Are your family gatherings during the holiday season filled with discussions about relationships, weddings, or children? While the festive period is often brimming with joy, sometimes the well-intentioned yet intrusive questions from loved ones can turn the holiday spirit into a minefield. To navigate these situations successfully, it's crucial to give yourself permission to connect with your thoughts and feelings. Requesting what you need and want without excessive worry about others' reactions is key, although, admittedly, it's easier said than done.
The Impact of Intrusive Questions on Our Nervous System
When confronted with unsettling questions, we often feel the urge to respond with sharp remarks or physically exit the room. Our nervous system, particularly the vagus nerve, plays a pivotal role in regulating our responses to social situations. The body can activate the sympathetic nervous system, preparing for fight or flight, or, conversely, the immobilization response associated with a sense of disconnection.
In an activated sympathetic state (fight), we easily engage in verbal aggression, heated arguments, using sarcasm or sharp, critical language, like, "Why do you always interfere in my life? Can't you see I'm an adult capable of making decisions without your involvement?" In an activated sympathetic state (flight), we attempt to avoid the situation or conversation. Sometimes, we physically leave the room or change the subject to divert attention from stress-inducing topics, like, "Speaking of family planning, have you heard about the latest conspiracy theories related to alien invasion? Fascinating stuff." In a dorsal vagus state (freeze), we feel stuck, unresponsive, lose interest, or withdraw from the conversation, accompanied by a sense of emotional paralysis, such as, "Plans? Why bother with plans? Life is just an unpredictable chain of events." Can you identify with any of these states? In which one are you most frequently?
Why is Expressing Inner Truth Sometimes Challenging
Do you recall moments from childhood when, excitedly sharing a creative project you worked on with great enthusiasm, you faced criticism or ridicule from parents, teachers, or peers? Perhaps you decided to wear a colorful outfit reflecting your vibrant personality. However, upon entering the classroom, you noticed mocking glances and whispers from classmates. During breaks, as you shared your passion for creating clothes and accessories, your peers teased your interests, slapping labels like "weird" or "strange." You began suppressing your inner passion, leading to the formation of an internal void and a growing sense of frustration.
Or maybe, within your family, sincere attempts to contribute to conversations were met with indifference. Your attempts to engage in discussions were dismissed, and questions often went unanswered. Eventually, you became the target of classmates' ridicule. Seeking help from a teacher, you found little attention paid to your words, reinforcing feelings of isolation. Over time, you internalized that your words, ideas, and desires held little value, learning to meticulously filter your words to meet others' expectations. Speaking in a way that pleased others became a strategy to avoid the pain of rejection. Sound familiar?
When faced with shame, social distance, criticism, or indifference, we often begin to doubt the worth of expressing our individuality. We adapt our behavior to conform to others' expectations, hoping to avoid further isolation. But, have you considered where your passion settles within you when it finds no outlet? What happens to unspoken needs? And if you constantly alter your words to make them sound more pleasing to others or attempt to control others' reactions, what message are you sending to yourself? What happens when you start censoring yourself?
The Throat - Gateway to Authentic Expression
The throat is not just a physical path for sound; it is a gateway connecting the heart and mind, a bridge between our inner and outer worlds. Here, we shape words to create a world in which we want to live.
The throat is supported by the thyroid and parathyroid glands. The thyroid gland produces hormones that play a crucial role in regulating metabolism, as well as mental and sexual development. This gland supports vocal power during singing and is linked to artistic and creative expression. Additionally, the thyroid gland has a special connection with sexual glands, acting as a center for physical creativity. The parathyroid glands, four small oval discs, usually positioned two on the upper and two on the lower part of the thyroid, control calcium levels in the blood. Like the thyroid, they serve as the foundation for creative expression, maintaining the quality of a gentle voice and articulation of melody.
So, what happens when we stifle ourselves and suppress creative power? In situations where we change our words to meet others' expectations or control their reactions, we limit the flow of creative energy. We create a gap between our inner truth and the external world, establishing a disconnect between our authentic self and the persona we present to others.
Reclaiming your throat means giving yourself permission to connect with what you think and feel, expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs without excessive concern about others' reactions. By allowing your voice to resonate freely, you can reduce the gap between your inner essence and external self-expression.
Recognizing a Disconnection with Your Throat
Fear arises when contemplating expressing certain thoughts or opinions.
Finding suitable words to convey what you want to say is often challenging.
Anxiety is felt while speaking.
Despite the necessity of delivering a message, you lack the courage to speak.
Attempting to speak brings physical obstacles, such as a lump in the throat or a broken voice.
Fear of speaking publicly or engaging in open conversations, even with familiar individuals.
Others find it difficult to hear you because you speak very quietly.
You talk a lot but struggle to convey a clear message.
Reconnecting with Your Throat
Start by respecting your voice; listen to its tone and melodiousness.
Create space for yourself, taking a few minutes every day to be with your inner world. Go for a walk, meditate, dance. Journaling is an excellent tool to develop the ability to listen to yourself and hear your inner voice.
Awaken your throat by humming and singing.
Go outside and breathe in the blue sky. Feel how your voice bathes in the azure sky.
Protect your throat. Ensure scarves or clothing do not constrict it.
Practice being present here and now when someone else is speaking.
Speak about what matters to you.
Let's not forget that holidays are a time to connect, understand, and celebrate the authenticity of each individual.
Want to learn more?
Reach out to Ingrida Danyte at ingridadanyte@gmail.com, a dedicated Somatic Movement Therapist, and start embracing your path to healing today.